In February of 2012, I made the difficult decision to move 600 miles away from everything I knew. Being six months removed from an eleven month stint in prison, I knew it was time for change. My girlfriend, who was my partner for the previous eleven years, no longer wanted to be with me. My time in prison gave her time to think about her own station in life. I had never been a very good boyfriend to her. Apparently, it took being away from me for her to realize that she could do better. We have three children together, whom are all teenagers now, so it was extremely difficult engaging with her knowing that our relationship was over. I begged and did everything I could to make our family whole again, but nothing could repair over a decade of pain I caused her. This situation, combined with my inability to find a stable job, brought forth a desire to do something different.
So I moved to Alabama. I left my kids and let go of everything that was familiar to me. I was a heart wrenching decision. How could I leave my children and be so selfish? I didn’t want to leave them, but everything around me nudged me in that direction. The Universe was telling me it was time to move on. I had no job, no relationship and my rent was way past due. I only had enough money to pay for a bus ticket, so I bought a one way fare. Thankfully, I would not be alone in my new environment. My own family had moved to Alabama years before and were waiting for me to join them. My parents, siblings, aunts and uncles all embraced me with open arms, complete with the requisite tears and ‘thank you Gods’ from my mother. It didn’t take long for the pain and fear to dissipate in the love of my family. I knew as soon as I stepped off that bus that I had made the right decision.
Sometimes, actually most times, drastic change is needed to evolve as a human, no matter how excruciating it may be. It took great courage for me to move so far away from my children, but I realized that if I couldn’t do what was needed to improve myself, I would not be a very effective parent. Lamenting the end of a relationship and obsessing on how I could get my woman back was not helping either. A change of scenery was apparent. The Universe was making it increasingly clear than an overhaul of my entire life was overdue.
The following is a Facebook post from September of 2012.
So I’ve been here for a little over seven months and I am very happy to say that all of my three major goals have been accomplished!! Crib: check. Job: Burger King but still check. Decent woman: double check!! (I’m still with her!) I am very confident that I am traveling on the path that I’m supposed to be on. If not, all of these things would not have happened so fast. Yes I was very nervous about living in an entirely different environment and worried that I was leaving my life behind in Illinois. But in reality I was moving toward my life and where I was supposed to be a long time ago. I miss my kids but I am comforted by the fact that they will be down here with me every summer. I am happy now. I can relax, concentrate on the right things, make the right decisions and make new goals to accomplish. I’m glad I’m here. So thank you to everyone who helped me and continues to help me. Thank you Shavon (the mother of my children) for letting my kids come down here. Thank you Virginia (my current love) for loving me and showing me what a real relationship is supposed to be like. I LOVE YOU! And special shout out to my bro Guady…seems like he’s my big brother at times….love you n**** and don’t know where I would be without your help. This goes to show that when you have the courage to change…you could end up in the happiest time of your life…no matter what everyone else thinks….
Reading over that post again, which is seven years old, tells me a lot about my current sate of mind. It mirrors almost perfectly how I continued to live my life since the day I boarded that Greyhound bus. For the most part, I have stayed true to the frame of mind I displayed in that post. In everyday life, I have pretty much mastered the idea of going with the flow. I don’t force anything to happen, but I explore everything. If nothing comes about or if the Universe points me away from it, I take heed and alter my course. This is an ideal way to exist and I have come to embrace it.
In regards to my future however, this way of life created an internal contradiction. If I were to sit back and wait for the Universe to turn me into a successful author, I would be waiting forever. Pursuing a career in the creative arts is akin to starting a business. I was already in my forties, so I couldn’t afford to just ‘go with the flow’. This cognitive dissonance was concerning and I began to think that maybe becoming a writer is not what the Universe had it store for me.
That was until about three months ago, when I was blindsided by a completely unexpected firing. At the time, it was devastating. I could not understand how I had lost my job so quickly. But then, after only a few days, the dark clouds of despair drifted away and uncovered the gift the Universe had given me. The abrupt firing was the only way I would have ever shifted my focus back to my writing. I became entrenched in a mundane day to day existence. I lost sight of my future. I was content with going to work, getting paid, paying bils and blah, blah, blah. Well apparently the Universe wasn’t happy with this and decided to knock me back into focus.
Now I am here. Writing a blog on a webpage I created! Who would’ve thought?! I have time now to write, write and write some more. I’m surrounded by supportive family and helpful industry professionals that I constantly connect with on social media. My world has taken a 360 degree turn seemingly overnight. My future is no longer blurry, my success as a writer is clearly in view.
I can honestly say that, as of the day of this posting, I am truly living my best life.
Jay Owens 