Seed of Growth

Today, I embarked on a journey to write a novel.

I have been aware of this destination since I was a small child, but just today, at 42 years old, I have finally taken the first step toward making a lifelong dream a reality. It isn’t a dream I obsessed over, but I knew it was something I wanted to do since an early age. I guess that was when the seed was planted. It took over thirty-five years for it to germinate and finally rise out of the soil. A variety of life occurrences trampled above the seed as it slowly, ever so slowly, became conscious. Each event, no matter its apparent size or importance, mattered. They tilled the dense, unmolded clay of my creative mind, morphing it into the fertile soil of abundant creation.

That isn’t to say I’m experiencing a wellspring of creative output, but I do feel that reaching that kind of euphoria is attainable. Situations have occurred in my life that have allowed me to make writing my number one priority.

I have already submitted a short story and two creative nonfiction articles over the past three months. At the moment my motivation and creativity are on the upswing. Hopefully, I can maintain this, actually I hope to ramp it up a notch in order to get the manuscript completed in less than a year.

I am nervous, scared, excited and ecstatic about this journey. I cannot allow myself to get lost in the depths of fear. Fear that nobody will like my stuff. Fear that I will never get published. Fear that I’m a fraud with no talent or skill to speak of. The fear can be paralyzing, halting all progress and destroying all confidence.

Inspiration can no longer be the sole motivator for writing consistently. It wasn’t often when I would be inspired enough to actually outline and plot a whole story. If I continue to wait for these moments, I would get nothing accomplished. Writing is my business now, my career. As I continue to complete and submit my work, the process becomes easier and feels less like work.

But now the biggest challenge is in front of me. There are no more excuses for me not to get this novel done. I know there are some rough days ahead on me, but I am more capable now to overcome them.